


moledro

by byeolbit



Series: lives lived between written words [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Fantasy, Gen, M/M, blink and miss mention of Yeri, super heavy angst, trigger warning for indirect mention of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 07:08:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17055431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byeolbit/pseuds/byeolbit
Summary: moledron. a feeling of resonant connection with an author or artist you’ll never meet, who may have lived centuries ago and thousands of miles away but can still get inside your head and leave behind morsels of their experience, like the little piles of stones left by hikers that mark a hidden path through unfamiliar territory.Alternatively, Wonshik falls in love with Hakyeon’s words before he falls in love with Hakyeon himself. Love is an elusive feeling, its singing ever present, near yet far. His heart has no roots and no attachments.Wonshik’s part of the story to vellichor.





	moledro

moledro

n. a feeling of resonant connection with an author or artist you’ll never meet, who may have lived centuries ago and thousands of miles away but can still get inside your head and leave behind morsels of their experience, like the little piles of stones left by hikers that mark a hidden path through unfamiliar territory.

_ - _

Wonshik hears of Hakyeon much before he meets him. Hakyeon’s book is nominated for the national literary award. It is his sixth nomination and it is a given that he will win.

Cha Hakyeon is the country’s darling. His breakout book, ‘Lillies By The Waterfall’ which got him his first nomination, was adapted to a major motion picture and was a critical success. The writer of the movie was highly praised for the delicate mixture of fantasy and romance with in depth commentary on the meaning of life. 

Cha Hakyeon was the Murakami of South Korea after that. You weren’t a well read literature lover if you hadn’t read Hakyeon’s novels or short stories. Movie producers were fighting in the court for rights to produce movies based on his other works.

But the man in the eye of the storm was a mystery. Cha Hakyeon sometimes appeared in public for book signings and a rare interview here or there. On most occasions, it would be his editor Lee Jaehwan who would be speaking on his behalf. Any public statements, like dates of the release of the next book, were handled by his publishing agency.

Wonshik was highly amused. He knew that the hype would be short lived. Cha Hakyeon had only written fifteen books in his entire career, all of which went ahead in time to become mandated readings in college and school syllabus. The current novel was his thirteenth. 

Thirteenth was always an unlucky number.

-

Sometimes the local 7-11 store plays the news when they have electricity. Wonshik sits on the counter, waiting for his ramen to be done in the microwave. 

As someone who travelled through time a lot, the news of the day and age always seemed a bit silly to him. It amused him that the stations would always give so much hype to celebrity gossip when so many of these would not even be remembered fifty years down the line.

What catches his interest is the headline about Cha Hakyeon dating someone. A romantic affair with the maknae from that one famous girl group. Another baseless rumour from the grapevine he knows. Because Cha Hakyeon came out as asexual in his last interview years later, professing to never have loved or been in love except with one man. A sad short lived affair, but no other details on who how and when.

Wonshik reflects on his own romantic life. His heart has no roots and his life transits from one timeline to another, one universe to the other. Often drawn to where he needs to be but not knowing that he is required there till much later. He keeps to himself. Companionship risks exposure of his secret and he can’t have that happen.

“You shouldn’t believe everything the media says” the man next to him says. Wonshik agrees, nodding to himself. He hadn’t paid much attention to the man but the man had clearly noted that he was paying attention to the TV.

“Trust me, I know how unworthy the news is” Wonshik assures him, pulling out the hot ramen holder from the microwave.

“Do you work in the media industry?” the man asks curiously.

“I’m a historian” Wonshik tells him. It’s the closest and the furthest from the truth that he can get without giving everything away or putting lying on his consciousness.

“Well, I am the person they are talking about and trust me, I’m not having an affair with Yeri” the stranger says sourly.

Wonshik starts. Is this Cha Hakyeon? Shouldn’t he be on some secluded island, writing about the beauty of life right now?

“No one recognises me without my makeup on so I am not surprised” Hakyeon says, opening a cup of strawberry ice cream while sitting down next to Wonshik.

“What are you doing here?” Wonshik asks him.

“Eating ice cream” Hakyeon replies sagely. 

Wonshik raises an eyebrow but says nothing more. Writers are the most dangerous kind. They tend to read between the lines, understand what’s not being said and connect the dots much faster than the others. If the conversation is very memorable, then it tends to end up written down in one form or another in a book. Writers could make even shadows and visages live forever.

“But if you are asking what I am doing in life generally? I don’t have a clue” Hakyeon confesses.

“Isn’t it writing lots of books and making them into successful movies and earning royalties for the rest of your life?” Wonshik asks him, teasing the older man.

“So you do know who I am” Hakyeon says dramatically. He pushes the semi melted ice cream around with the tiny spoon but does not eat it.

“Hard not to know you” Wonshik admits.

“I’m just a simple writer” Hakyeon tells him. The modesty is genuine and not fake. Wonshik gets the impression that Hakyeon never really got used to the sudden fame that came his way.

“Others would beg to differ” Wonshik supposes. 

“They love to exaggerate” Hakyeon says with a frown. “What about you?” 

“What about me?” Wonshik deflects.

“You seemed like you had a story” Hakyeon says. His tone grows quieter and more embarrassed by the second. Clearly that is a line that only sounds cool when read and should never be said out loud.

“No I don’t” Wonshik lies. “Nothing as extraordinary as your work”

Hakyeon looks at him like he can read his soul and Wonshik smiles at him. It’ll be the first of many times that Hakyeon will never get an answer out of Wonshik, only an enigmatic smile. But they don’t know it yet.

“Everyone has a story” Hakyeon says. “We’re just living in different parts of it, always out of sync.”

“You should use that line in a book” Wonshik says. Hakyeon pretends to consider but Wonshik already knows he will. 

His last and fifteenth novel ‘Eternity’. Two lovers, separated across time by the type of their supernatural powers. Spoilers, but it has a happy ending where they run away to live together. Self indulgent, everyone who reads it will tell you. But goddamnit if they try to take it away from him because that book gives him hope for his own story.

He wonders what happens that Hakyeon stops writing entirely after it. But looking at him now, the smile never reaching his eyes, the weariness in his voice, the detached feeling in his conversations. It won’t be long before Hakyeon loses his fire. 

And it tugs on Wonshik’s heart.

-

The next time he meets Hakyeon, it is in the back alley of the club that is hosting the book launch of his fourteenth novel. He feels like taking a walk and so puts on his socks and sneakers and decides to walk down the block to the nicer part of the neighbourhood. He walks across the entrance to the gate, a party in full swing for the rich and the intellectual elite.

Hakyeon escapes from it, unable to take more and Wonshik finds him in the middle of a panic attack. He immediately rushes to his side, holding his shoulders while instructing him to breathe.

“Do you want to leave?” Wonshik asks and Hakyeon manages a nod in response. His breathing is still irregular and nerves jumpy. He walks briskly, going somewhere but god knows where till Wonshik guides him back to his apartment. 

He offers him a soft blanket and some hot tea made from a dip tea bag that he forgets to remove from the cup. Hakyeon curls up on his couch, feeling small. 

“I’m not going to ask you if you are okay. The answer is clearly in front of me” Wonshik says. Hakyeon looks to his knees, tears welling up in his eyes. “But I will ask what I can do to make it better.”

He’s been reading. He started with the collection of his short stories and then his books. All in chronological order of release. He has laughed, he has cried, he has been spirited away to other worlds and back. He has lived lives, through the characters Hakyeon penned.

Hakyeon had unintentionally captivated him with his writing. And to see someone who brought him joy be in pain, just wasn’t fair.

“I wish I could go away. I wish all of it would just stop” Hakyeon cries. “I wish I would never have to write another word in my life.”

“You don’t really wish that” Wonshik said, stroking Hakyeon’s back.

“I really do” Hakyeon said in a small voice.

“If you could go back to the time where you decided to become a writer… would you change that decision?” Wonshik asked him.

Hakyeon looked at him. “I…” he faltered.

“Do you know why we love your writing Hakyeon? It’s because the world and the characters you build are beautiful and we feel blessed to have lived them through your words” Wonshik tells him.

“Really?” Hakyeon asked him.

“I’m not praising you just for the heck of it” Wonshik told him. 

“That’s what I wanted. It’s what I always wanted To create so that I could share the joy I felt on reading” Hakyeon told him.

“That could be arranged” Wonshik said, looking away from Hakyeon. 

“What do you mean?” Hakyeon asked him.

“If you wanted to feel that joy you felt on reading earlier To find the inspiration you lost” Wonshik said. 

“I don’t think that’s possible” Hakyeon told him. The tears had dried up, leaving lines in his foundation. Wonshik smiled, leaning over to wipe it away. 

“Anything is possible” Wonshik said, closing his eyes and his own.

When Wonshik opens his eyes, he is standing behind the counter of an old bookstore. The door chimes and Hakyeon walks in, years younger and doe eyed at the sight of books.

-

He keeps an eye on Hakyeon. This is a make believe world and he doesn’t know the rules of the dream that Hakyeon has constructed. But Hakyeon doesn’t even know that and that is dangerous.

He watches as Hakyeon delves into book after book, but always return to one. His favourite or so he claims - ‘Lillies By The Waterfall’.

Hakyeon savours the experience, saving the book for special occasions. Wonshik doesn’t know what the consequence of living your own story like this is. But he knows it brings Hakyeon happiness and he doesn’t have the heart to interfere. 

The last time, he brought cake along for Hakyeon’s birthday and he felt foolish enough at that. This time, he goes for a more subtle approach.

“Hot chocolate?” Wonshik asks holding up a cup. Hakyeon looks like he can cry in happiness. Well cry again if the tear streaks are anything to go by.

“Why do you pick up stories that always make you cry?” Wonshik asks, shaking his head at the younger(?), older(?) man. 

“Shut up. It has a happy ending” Hakyeon pouts. Wonshik has never seen him pout so much before. It must be a natural habit. 

“This must be the fifth time you’ve chosen the same book” Wonshik says, putting his jacket around Hakyeon. Words are difficult and Hakyeon is disoriented from the after effects of universe travel. Wonshik knows from personal experience that warmth helps. 

“And yet you cry every time. You are a sap” Wonshik says fondly. 

“If you love something, wouldn’t you be partial to it?” Hakyeon asks him. Wonshik smiles to himself. He thinks of the way they met first time and how Wonshik knew he would never fall in love then. But watching Hakyeon now, he knows he has fallen hard.

“I would never leave their side” Wonshik admits, surprising himself.

“Then how are you here?” Hakyeon asks. He immediately puts his hand on his mouth, knowing it is an extremely personal question to ask. Wonshik debates answering this. He should feel better about lying by now but he can’t seem to do that to Hakyeon.

“Staying here… is a way of staying close to the person I love” Wonshik confesses. Hakyeon won’t know. Hakyeon might never know.

“They are lucky to have you” Hakyeon says wistfully. Wonshik nods. He pulls up two bean bags from the neighbouring aisle for them to sit on.

“Why don’t you tell me about the book?” Wonshik asks, changing the topic. Hakyeon launches into a detailed explanation of the story and the characters and why the boy’s mom is his favourite and Wonshik listens with his head on his hands and all his attention to him.

He is living on limited time. He can feel the clock ticking, the giant hands swinging over his head like the sword waiting to drop on his neck.

The end comes sooner than expected. Elliot was wrong because his world ends with a bang and not a whimper.

Hakyeon is in the middle of a panic attack when Wonshik comes down to the ground floor from the first. He immediately rushes to Hakyeon who drops to his knees.

“Hakyeon… Hakyeon…. Yeonnie look at me” Wonshik says, caressing his face. They have to stop meeting like this. The cruel joke surfaces in his head but he pushes the thought out instantly.

“It’s gone” Hakyeon says blankly. His gaze out of focus and towards nothing in particular.

“What?” Wonshik asks. Hakyeon looks at him, his eyes devoid of any emotion. This is worse than the night that started all of this.

“I don’t have my power anymore” Hakyeon stays, too numb to process it. The heartbreak will come later. Then the questions, the anger, the denial and attempts to revive it.

Wonshik engulfs him in a hug and Hakyeon stares at the books mock him. Pages that remain cold and unmoving. 

“It will be okay” Wonshik assures him, rubbing circles on his back. Nothing will be okay in this world, but in Hakyeon’s original world he still has hope.

“I don’t understand… I didn’t do anything wrong” Hakyeon says in a small voice. 

“Did you… did you do something to a book? Or… try to write one of your own?” Wonshik asks. Hakyeon looks at Wonshik in surprise. He still doesn’t fully comprehend that Wonshik knows all of this and everything that it implies.

“Only a paragraph. I didn’t even read or edit it” Hakyeon confesses. 

“The power has a limit. You can’t be sucked into your own story. That would be dangerous” Wonshik tells him. Where is this explanation coming from? It must be the dream universe prompting him. Wonshik hasn’t created this. These are Hakyeon’s rules.

“That’s cruel. You can’t take this away from me. You can’t” Hakyeon insists. “Those books were my life. They were my everything. I just wanted to share everything I felt with others.”

Even in his own dreams, Hakyeon doesn’t feel like he deserves a happy ending.

“I know” Wonshik says, wiping away the tears from his eyes. Should it affect him so much? Why does it affect him so much? This isn’t what the dream is making him feel.

“But that’s the thing about stories Hakyeon. They must eventually end. But you can still live them again” Wonshik tells him with a rueful smile.

“I can’t. You just told me that I can’t use my power anymore. Just reading won’t ever be the same” Hakyeon cries.

“Your power isn’t gone forever. The first time you walked into Eternity and picked up a book wasn’t your first time” Wonshik confesses. It’s now or never. There will never be a better time to come clean and give Hakyeon the choice of ending it all.

“What are you saying?” Hakyeon asks. Wonshik can tell that Hakyeon already knows what he is implying. But he needs to say it.

“You’re living a story and you can choose to go back and live it again” Wonshik says. 

“You’re lying” Hakyeon shoots back. Wonshik pulls away.

“What do you remember of your life before you walked into this store?” Wonshik asks him. Hakyeon starts but closes his mouth. The answer is on the tip of his tongue and then isn’t.

“What do you remember of your life outside of this store?” Wonshik asks him. He smiles at Hakyeon who is connecting the dots and all emotions show on his face. 

“It’s a beautiful fantasy isn’t it?” Wonshik asks, leaning against the shelf.

“But if I go back… I’ll have to do it all over again. I’ll lose everything I’ve had here” Hakyeon says, standing up. 

“And you’ll find it again” Wonshik says. 

“But I will lose you” Hakyeon said. He looks at Wonshik, unsure of his his confession will be handled. Wonshik just smiles at him and Hakyeon looks to his feet. 

Wonshik won’t answer him this time. He doesn’t know what the future holds. He doesn’t even know if Hakyeon and him will wake up in his old apartment or somewhere else when they go back. Will they be together? Will Hakyeon even remember? Will he want to?

Hakyeon’s fifteenth book was his last, and in the original timeline he hasn’t published it yet. Maybe there is still hope for Hakyeon. For Wonshik, it is enough.

-

One month after they wake, separate and not where they started from, news comes that Cha Hakyeon has officially retired from writing.

-

The next time he meets Hakyeon, it is Hakyeon who seeks him out. 

Wonshik moves cities and has started working in a small cafe that is a hole in the wall that no one visits. He doesn’t ask for much in payment and hence is hired immediately. The owner holds a special event that makes the cafe a trendy place to visit according to an ulzzang’s social media. One of the photos a customer uploads has Wonshik in the background and Hakyeon traces him down through it.

“I need to talk to you” Hakyeon says, his voice quivering. He shows up announced and proceeds to the counter to speak directly to Wonshik who is supposed to be cooking in the kitchens at the back today. 

“What are you doing here?” Wonshik asks in surprise.

“Is there a problem?” Hongbin, his coworker jumps in to ask. Normally it is Hongbin who is the pretty face who needs rescuing. The role reversal would be very amusing if not for the shock Wonshik is experiencing. It’s been seven months since Hakyeon retired from writing and Wonshik moved cities.

“I need to talk to Wonshik. Please” Hakyeon pleads and Hongbin is wary of the man. He looks at Wonshik who nods and relents, agreeing to cover for the next half hour since it is a slow morning.

Wonshik lets Hakyeon behind the counter and the two disappear into the attached kitchen and then the employee’s locker room. Taekwoon, the chef, raises an eyebrow but says nothing. He will hound Wonshik for details later with Hongbin. But for now, they get their privacy.

“How did you even find me?” Wonshik asks first.

“It’s a long story” Hakyeon tells him. It’s been a journey alright. 

“Why did you retire from writing?” Wonshik asks next. It’s the one thing he has been meaning to ask since forever. Where did he fail? Had he inadvertently caused more damage than helped?

“That’s a long story too…” Hakyeon trails off.

“You said you wanted to talk to me” Wonshik prompts. So far he only has questions and no answers.

“I couldn’t do it. I could never read or write again because I was scared” Hakyeon confesses. His hand balls into a fist and tears come up again. Wonshik takes him in his arms, feeling his pain.

“I kept feeling that if I did pick up another book, I would be sucked into it and reminded that I could never write again. Or that if I wrote, I would be horrible at it and everyone would be disappointed in me.”

Wonshik bites his tongue and lets Hakyeon continue. There’s a prolonged silence and it doesn’t sound like Hakyeon will say more. He wants to assure him that no one would ever be disappointed in him and that critics are assholes who nitpick because they think it makes them edgy and honestly not everyone likes everything but everyone loves him and his writing.

“Why me? Why did you take me home that night and grant that wish?” Hakyeon asks in muffled whispers, interrupting his monologue in his head.

“I wanted to make you happy” Wonshik replies.

“I was… I think I was really happy in that dream. But I couldn’t deal with the loss of it” Hakyeon says. Wonshik hugs him tighter in response.

“Would you like a do over?” he asks. It is beyond dangerous and foolish at this point. And Wonshik can’t follow him into his dream like he did last time. He really shouldn’t be raising his hopes up like this.

“I can’t give up writing. A part of me will be gone forever” Hakyeon tells him as he pulls away.

“You wouldn’t have to give that up. You can keep writing forever. Fill up every nook and cranny of our house together with scribbled pages and stories” Wonshik offers. Hakyeon laughs and Wonshik can feel life return to his soul. His heart warms up with every smile. 

“Is that your way of asking me to run away with you? Because I was very tempted” Hakyeon tells him.

Wonshik smiles and Hakyeon smiles and even though they are cramped together into a tiny locker room, they are alive and they are free.

“My depression is not on you, Wonshik. You can’t be my crutch” Hakyeon tells him.

“No I can’t. But I can support you while you work through it” Wonshik promises.

“Thank you” Hakyeon says gratefully.

The old Hakyeon who created art through his pain is the one Wonshik fell in love with. He knows this and has accepted that that part of Hakyeon is gone for good. But the new Hakyeon, the one working through life and his own dreams and passions is the one he gets to stand by. And that is an honour. 

Wonshik is already imagining a small apartment with coffee always in the pot and Hakyeon typing away. He imagines the teasing and affectionate cooing and coercing to convince Hakyeon to let him read his work. He imagines cold winters, snuggled under the blanket while eating ice cream and tempting colds. Or of hot summer evenings, spent on beach while lazing around. 

He doesn’t know how long he can stay, but in still waters that run deep, his heart takes roots.

-

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/poojamk15?s=09) | [Tumblr](https://vixxscifiwritings.tumblr.com)


End file.
